Update: New Doctor

Monday, January 21st {10am}, I wrote about our decision to change doctors. By the end of the SAME day, we had a new doctor! God is good!

The day before that post was Sunday. It was the first time I wrote in our Sunday School's prayer journal about this. I wrote that we were looking for a new doctor, that we need a clear open door. I was also talking to a friend in class and telling her that we basically need someone to know an ob, personally, and call on my behalf and for them to make an exception. Then during church, it was Prayer Request Sunday, where you fill out a white card and turn it in. Then that next Tuesday, all the pastors pray over EVERY card individually, during their staff meeting. It was my first time. I told them that I was looking for a new doctor, but specifically one who would believe along with us in God's ability to heal Lyla, no matter what their training and tests show them.

Monday night, I received an email from Brent's Aunt Mona. She has a friend who is a peditrician and shared our story with her. She is a believer and has been in a delivery with an anencephalic baby. And she knows an ob who is a believer too with experience in this area! The peditrician wanted me to call her that night, so I put my brave pants on and called her. I am not normally good at that sort of thing. She was SO encourgaing about our decision to carry Lyla and about this doctor she was recommending to us. She had actually already called her and told her about me! What?! Amazing! The ob said to call her office TOMORROW!! Wow!

Exactly what I said needed to happen, happened! Only God could have orchestrated such an event!

Our first appointment was scheduled for Tuesday, January 29th. Before I could have my first appointment, my records needed to be transferred, so I requested them on Wednesday {23rd}. I informed them about my appointment and how I needed them before then. I called on Monday to check and see if the new doctor's office had received them. No luck. I then called my old doctor and the medical records person is part time and said she didn't get the request until Friday {even though I saw her when I put in the request} and she was waiting for the doctor to sign off on them Monday or Tuesday. She doesn't work on Tuesdays. I reminded her again about my appointment.

On Tuesday morning {day of appointment}, I called the old doctor again. I asked if they would check on my files, if they had been sent, and that I knew the medical records person does not work that day, but my appointment was that day. This was at 9:30am. I explained what the status was to my bible study ladies and they were going to pray. One hour later, I receive a call from my old doctor's office saying they were sending them right then! God is SO good, all the time. Again, He came through for me and QUICKLY.

New Doctor

I feel The Lord has given me an answer about my doctor even before seeing her again last Thursday. Tuesday morning and throughout the rest of the day.

A couple months ago,I ran into my friend who recommended this doctor to me years ago. She spoke very highly of her at the time.

Before all this started, we happened to be at dewberry farms together (we don't see each often at all). She asked if I was still seeing my doctor and told me she wasn't because she didn't receive good care with her second baby. At that time, I brushed it off but once heard the news wondered if that was a warning I didn't recognize at the time.

Within minutes of writing my blog about my doctor, last week, she emailed me with more details about her experience and that she had heard from others the same thing. She felt because she didn't have a "normal" pregnancy she was no longer treated like she mattered. And also feels she might have been able to have more kids if she had switched.

That was the beginning of me knowing I should switch but I was still resistant. I don't like change this big. I am uncomfortable with it. And how am I suppose to find someone new that will support me?

Then on Tuesday {January 15th}, I went to a new study (for me), at Tallowood. My very first day. Several things were said that I felt like God was speaking directly to me. But the one thing that stuck out the most was when the teacher said that we get in our comfort zone but sometimes God is calling us out of that zone and to be uncomfortable and we will come out stronger for it. I know that applies in many ways but to me it was saying switch!

So I felt that was my answer most of the day, then I talked to my good friend Kara {PA} at our small group that night and she advised me,medically, to switch too.

So if all that wasn't enough...

Then as soon as I got home, I had a facebook email from an acquaintance my mom's church that's about my age. She told me she switched 4 times and all for different reasons and just encouraged me that I would know what is right for me and I would not regret my decision. And that God has this!

With all of these signs of confirmation, I cancelled my appointment last week. I just felt like I knew the right decision so clearly that I didn't want to go and start doubting myself again. It would be easy to just stay.

I got a list of doctors from some of my close friends and pastors, but so far have not found the doctor for me. They are either not taking new patients or their nurse has been rude about my situation and never calls back. Lots of closed doors.

I know God doesn't have any old doctor for me but the right one. One that will walk with me, support our decision and hopefully believe with us that know matter what tests show or their training tells them that our God is greater/stronger/healer. He is high above it all!

Will you pray with me that I will find a new doctor quickly so I don't have to go too long without medical care? That I will be bold and confident about the choice I make and I ask all the appropriate questions? That The Lord will continue to lead us through this process, as He so clearly has so far? That will be still and wait on Him to show us the way?

We so appreciate all the love, support and prayers!

To Stay or Not to Stay

Our follow-up appointment, with my doctor {December 21st}, did not go as I thought it would.

I have doubted if I should stay with my doctor since her initial recommendation. I kept going back and forth and still am. When I spoke with my doctor's nurse the week of December 21st, I decided maybe we would continue with her because The Source doctor we spoke to and her information lined up, but then when I actually saw my doctor, it no longer did.

The impression that I was given by her nurse is that it would be a consultation appointment to ask all our questions, now that we are calm and thinking clearly. It was not at all that way. She was running an hour late, rushed through all the normal checks and did not even ask if I had questions.

She basically was still encouraging us to chose abortion, at least that's how I took it. She asked if we were sure about moving forward with "this." If we had really thought about what this was going to do to our family. She said she would walk through this with us, if we chose to do so, but it surely did not feel that way.

Honestly, I left pretty angry. Was that my clear answer I had been asking for?

Over these last few weeks, I have been encouraged to see my doctor one more time after our specialist appointment. Maybe it was a bad day? Maybe I just need to be better about interrupting her and asking my questions, even if I am not asked first? I have been given great care by my doctor in the past with Cole and Claire. I am just hoping that does not change just because our baby has been given such a diagnosis. I want her to be given the same great treatment.

Our specialist appointment {January 7th} went very well. We were pleased with the care we were given. It was at the hospital with the Maternl Fetal Specialist from UTMB. The technician was very friendly and made sure we were okay throughout the ultrasound. Then the OB specialist came in to talk with us. It's like going to the dentist. The tech did all the work and the doctor just confirmed what she did {and what our doctor told us}.

We were then moved across the hall to speak with someone else. I think she was a genetic counselor, but honestly, I don't know her title. She was very kind and told us this part could be as long or short as we wanted it to be. We were able to ask a ton of our questions and she gave us information that maybe we had not thought of yet. She also told us I was welcome to come back every six weeks if I would like and would tell our doctor so.

Most importantly, she was another person who encouraged me about my doctor. She said it was important that we had good communication. That my doctor would tell me what she could do, but I also needed to be open with her about what I needed as well. If it's seeing me more often, then tell her that. But it's a two way street and it is very important throughout this process.

My next appointment with my doctor is Thursday {January 17th}. Will you pray with me that my answer will finally be clear about whether I should stay or change doctors? Will you pray that I am bold and ask all my questions? That I am honest about where we are coming from and what I need from her? Our desire is to receive the same great medical care as I received with my other two children or BETTER! I know she told us that our baby will not live BUT she does not have the final say. Only OUR GOD knows.

Our Plan Interrupted

On December 10th (exactly one month ago today and two weeks exactly before Christmas Eve), we were unexpectedly called into our doctor.

On that Monday, my doctor's office called me with the results of my 16 week blood work screen and they were concerned with some of the numbers, so they asked if I could come in right away. I was already in the car about to leave our neighborhood so I said, "yes, I could come right now."

Brent was able to meet me and the kids at the doctor and we waited for our turn. They were concerned about the baby having spina bifida, so an ultrasound was done. The technician got a great look at the spine and as far as she could tell all look great. So she continued the scan looking at the heart, legs, everything. She was very positive through the whole thing and talked to us the entire time.

But then she got to the eyes and I asked what it was she was looking at and she was quiet and then left. I wasn't sure if we were done. It didn't seem all that strange at the time but looking back it was very abrupt.

We were then moved to another room for the doctor to go over everything with us. When she first starting talking to us, I thought she was kidding. Unfortunately, that was not the case.

She basically told us that our baby did not develop a brain {anencephaly} and is not compatible with life. Our baby is alive. We saw the baby's heart beat and the tech said the rate was perfect. When we asked what did she mean and what does this mean, she said that now she recommends sending me downtown to abort. That this baby will not live.

What we know is that it is not up to us to decide when this baby's life will end. We do not plan to follow her recommendation but to carry this baby as long as The Lord choses for me to. We also know that we wanted a second look at our baby, which happened on Saturday, December 15th {17 weeks}, at The Source for Women {pregnancy medical clinic/crisis pregnancy}. And that our God is the great healer and he is able to heal our baby IF He so chooses. We also know that may not be His decision either.

When we first received our news, my first thought was we are not aborting this baby and the second thought was Cynthia at The Source. I cannot put into words how thankful I am to have known about their ministry. I knew I wanted a second look at our baby and more information, especially after getting such a recommendation from our doctor. I did ask my doctor for another ultrasound but they did not recommend me doing that. They said the pictures they had showed everything. That was not good enough. I knew what I needed. Humans make mistakes.

So I emailed Cynthia at The Source. She said, "YES, we would LOVE to see you!" She happened to be there the morning of our appointment and we were able to fill her in on everything our doctor said to us. She then talked to their technician and explained that we weren't their "typical" client and why we were there. For information. She asked her to walk us through the entire scan, tell us what she was looking at and to reveal the gender as well {not typically done}.

They were a great help and source of information. It is not typical protocal for them to reveal sex of the baby, but our doctor did not reveal that to us or perform another ultrasound, so they did that for us and revealed we are having another little GIRL, Lyla Hope. And again her heart rate was perfect.

After our scan was complete, their on-call doctor was gracious enough to do a conference call with us. Twenty minutes of us just asking questions and him explaining to us about what all this means for our baby. And most importantly, we were covered in prayer throughout our visit. We are more then grateful for the knowledge The Source provided for us that day.

I am beyond thankful for being on Tallowood's missions committee at the time they wanted to start partnering with this type of ministry and for me to be assigned to find that ministry. I definitely did not know 3 years ago I would be one of the women they would serve. God knew.

Right now, we are enjoying each moment we have with our Lyla Hope. Our HOPE rests in the Lord and we know He has purpose, He cares for us, and most of all He loves us. He is our peace. He is our strength.

We know that this is not good, that it is sad and we are grieving, BUT our GOD is GOOD no matter the circumstance.

He will see us through this.

Updates to come...

Our Newest Little One

On Friday, September 14th, we found out we were expecting our THIRD baby! We were beyond thrilled. Cole was actually in our room, right after taking the test, so we told him right away. But then quickly remembered we were headed to a family party in just a few hours. We decided to not mention it anymore and maybe he would forget. He's four, right?

Well, that didn't happen and he ended up telling my dad that I had a baby in my tummy. Ha! A little earlier then we planned to start telling our family, but it certainly was funny. So we, of course, called/texted and shared the news with Brent's parents that night as well. We quickly shared with our small group as well by having Cole and Claire wear BIG sibling t-shirts and just waited for everyone to pay attention and read them. Surprisingly, it took them a minute to connect!

For whatever reason, sharing the the news with everyone else did not come easy like it did with my other two pregnancies. I didn't know why. Maybe it was the third child thing or maybe something else. I expressed to a friend one day that I had an unsettling feeling about this pregnancy. It was early, maybe 6 or 7 weeks into it. She prayed with me. I don't remember specifics, but I definitely felt at peace after that. And started to experience all my normal symptoms.

This pregnancy began to be identical to when I carried Claire. Terribly sick. Life shuts down. No cleaning. No cooking. No grocery shopping. I basically was on volunteer bed rest because to even shower was too much. I would be done for the rest of the day. I needed to conserve energy for my other two kids. With all of that, my hunch was that we were expecting another girl. I could have been totally wrong, but I would have been surprised.

I was taking two different morning sickness medicines during this time to just basically hold food down, but it was not making me have energy. Finally, at about 13 weeks, my energy returned, but I had to keep on the medicines REGULARLY until about 16.5 weeks, right before Christmas. I was totally thankful to be feeling mostly back to normal by then with all our travelling and all the fun we had planned.

The doctors visits up to this point were all normal for me, several early ultrasounds, bloodwork, etc. At 16 weeks, I went in for the tri-screen bloodwork and then scheduled our BIG reveal ultrasound for December 21st! Just in time for Christmas! I was more then excited. I surely thought it was going to be January before we could find out what we were having, so to find out before Christmas, the reveal had to be awesome. I had this whole exciting planned to reveal to Cole and Claire (and families) through the baby's stocking, filled with the correct gender related items. So cute. We like to do a little something different with each baby to make each experience unique and special.

I always have lots of plans, but sometimes my plans aren't always God's plans...