This Friday {May 24th}

Today, my doctor returned from her vacation and I went in to see her for the first time in almost three weeks. I am so glad she is back. I was pretty confident I would not have this baby without her because God clearly placed me with her for a reason.

This Friday {May 24th} at 5am, we will go to the hospital and be induced to meet Lyla Hope. Unless she decides to come before, of course. Based on previous labors, we should be meeting our sweet girl by early afternoon.

I am thankful to have a plan. I prayed last week (and many other times) that we would have a plan and it would be low-stress. I even asked the Lord (not my doctor) for May 24th, because Cole would be finished with school by then and I would not be too overdue. I have also asked and still asking for the same labor experience with Lyla as I had with Cole and Claire (they were basically identical). And for the same result, a healthy, thriving baby to take home and watch grow up.

Ways to Pray:

• Lyla would stay put until Friday.
• We would have quality family time this week.
• For COMPLETE healing for Lyla. That the Lord would do a great miracle in her life and put every piece of her head together as it should be to live and thrive.
• For Cole and Claire, as this week and weeks to follow will be busy and lots of transition. That they will find rest, have endurance, and be flexible.
• For us all to be prepared for Friday and Lyla's arrival. That we will find our strength, comfort, and peace in Jesus. That we would rest in Him and be still and know He is God.

Thank you all for walking with us on this journey. We have needed and felt your prayers and support along the way. We will post updates as we have them on Friday.

Foundation {Gungor/Believer's Church}

You are my foundation
Though the storms in life may come
You are my salvation
When I'm in need
You are my foundation
Though the storms in life may come
You'll stay with me

You'll stay close by my side
Through the wind and rain
Through laughter and pain
You'll be there for me

You'll stay close by my side
When I feel alone
Left without a home
You'll be there for me

**one of the songs off my playlist you can't download

{The Word} Through Song

I love music. It's playing in my house pretty much all the time. I particularly love music that is filled with God's promises, reminders of His character, and the great things He has done and still CAN do. It helps keep my heart and mind focused where it should be.

I wanted to share what's been playing in my home the last several months under the playlist called "Lyla Hope." Some of these songs have been favorites since I was in high school and are local Tulsa bands/churches that cannot be found on iTunes and some have been more recently added because they spoke to me through this journey.

If you don't have them in your current playlist or haven't heard them before, I encourage you to check them out. I pray they bring you as much hope as they bring me.


{Gungor}
Beautiful Things
Dry Bones
Please Be My Strength
You Have Me

{Shadowalk}*
Here
Treasure

{Michael Gungor/Believers Church}*
Healer of the Blind
Foundation
Rush
Selah

{Dave & Jess Ray}
Restore Me
Face of God

{Hillsong}
You Are My Strength
The Greatness of Our God (live)
You'll Come (live)
From the Inside Out
For Who You Are
Lead Me to the Cross
Mighty to Save
Hosanna
Desert Song (live)

{Kari Jobe}
Healer
Steady My Heart

{Chris Tomlin}
Our God
Unfailing Love
Your Grace is Enough
Whom Shall I Fear (God of Angel Armies)

{Mercy Me}
You Are I Am
The Hurt & The Healer
Bring The Rain

{David Crowder Band}
Come and Listen
Wholly Yours
Come Thou Fount

{Darrell Evans}*
Jesus, I Come Follow
Anywhere With You
Just As I Am

Wonderful Maker {Jeremy Camp}

Your Love Never Fails {Newsboys}

Healing Is In Your Hands {Christy Nockels}

In Christ Alone (My Hope is Found) {Adrienne Liesching And Geoff Moore}

Sing to the King {Candi Pearson}

Be Thou My Vision {Jars of Clay}

I Will Overcome {Charlie Hall}

No Matter What {Kerrie Roberts}

One Thing Remains {Passion}

Every Good Thing {The Afters}

Not for a Moment {Vertical Church Band}

How Deep the Father's Love for Us {Stuart Townend}

Christ is Risen {Matt Maher}

10,000 Reason (Bless the Lord) {Matt Redman}

What a Savior {Laura Story}

Song of Hope (Heaven Come Down) {Robbie Seay Band}

Feet Wet {Stephen Speaks}*

*Not Available on iTunes
If you are interested in the lyrics from the songs that are not available on iTunes, then let me know and I will post them.

Sharing the News with Cole

During this journey, our other two children have been a concern. Cole will be five in July and Claire just turned 2.5 years this May. Claire is about Cole's age when she was born and he understood there was a baby coming pretty well by the time she was born, but of course, it didn't really sink in until she was here, in our home, all the time.

But for Cole, he is almost five and he has been very involved throughout my entire pregnancy. He knows what having another baby and sibling means. He is more then thrilled. So since we heard the news about Lyla, we have wondered when to explain what {may} happen, how much to say, etc. We do not want to terrify him or allow him to worry for months. How much could his mind handle at this point? This is probably where we have struggled the most. All we knew is we would tell him definitely before she is born, but how much before?

We know the time to prepare for us has been a blessing. We are still with all our hearts asking and believing in our God to perform an incredible miracle, but to know in advance what {may} lie ahead, we are grateful.

Our preschool minister at church gave me some materials on death to look over and how to explain it to young children. I also did a little more research as well. I learned that children are very concrete/literal thinkers and we had to use words such as died or dead, instead of passed away or deep sleep. They would not understand that completely or be scared to go to sleep at night.

These last few months, I have asked for prayer for this moment. That God would go before us and prepare Cole for this moment and to speak through us as we explain this to him. Let it not be our words but His.

Ways we have seen Cole prepared:

• He has experienced death before. He has been to at least 3 funerals/memorial services in his young life. The most recent was for my Great Uncle, who lived in Spring, that we spent a good amount of time with him. Cole loved him and still asks me about him and what happened to him. It has given me the opportunity to explain what happened and put words in his growing vocabulary that may not have been there otherwise.
• Once I started asking for prayer on this, Cole brought up the appointment where we first heard about Lyla and asked why I was crying. He hadn't mentioned it since that day, so I knew the time was approaching to talk to him.
• Healing. That is a word we use often in our house. Cole is accident prone to say the least. The kid always has scrapes and bruises. And he always points out when they are getting better and I tell him that they are healing. He also requests that I pray that God will heal him when he gets hurt. I love that he is beginning to know about our Great Healer!

Words in Cole's Vocabulary:

• broken
• heal(ed)
• death, died
• God
• prayer
• Jesus

I am thankful those are not new words to Cole, because they were all used in our talk with him last Wednesday night {May 8th}. It was more then helpful to not have to explain those words and we definitely saw the results of him not being scared because they were familiar to him.

We decided to speak to Cole alone, without Claire and no other distractions. He is like me and distracted easily. We sat face to face and told him we had something to share about his sister, Lyla. I reminded him of the doctor's appointment where he saw me crying and asked if he remembered. He did but not why. I explained that the doctor told us that Lyla did not develop and form completely and that she was missing pieces of her head. Then, I went on to explain that if she did not have all those pieces that she would not be able to come home with us and watch her grow up like we do with Claire. She would always be his sister but not in the same way.

I asked if he understood. I could tell not completely. So the very literal words began. I had to tell him that what the doctors have told us is that Lyla would die because all the pieces to her head were not there.

Moments of silence. We could see his face drop a bit. It was sinking in.

We just waited a bit, as he had his face planted in our bed.

He finally sat back up after a few tears.

Then the large BUT...

I asked him if he remembered how we talk about how big, strong and mighty our God is? He smiled, his face lit up and nodded yes! He knows.

I told him what the doctors have said is correct BUT our God is the greatest doctor there is and He alone can put the pieces of Lyla's head back together again, if He choses, so we can bring her home and watch her grow. He is our Great Healer.

We didn't want to give him false hope. We know that {may} not be what God choses for Lyla. So then we explained, just as we, as his parents, have to tell him "no" to things sometimes like having candy or going somewhere, that God sometimes tells us "no" too. But it is important and more then okay to always ask God for what you want!

We reminded him that no matter what happens that God is always good and always loves us. More then anything. He cares for us.

At this point, we were good. He understood and we could tell he was okay with the news. I asked if he would like to pray for Lyla, but he was not ready, so we laid hands on her and I prayed and she kicked like crazy!

Later that night, when Brent was putting Cole to sleep, he was ready to pray. His prayer for Lyla:
"Dear God, Thank you for Lyla and please put the pieces together to her head and body. Amen."

Thanking God for the many ways He prepared us and Cole for this moment, many more then I even know at this point, and for wrapping His loving arms around our son and giving him comfort only our God could provide.

In Days of Darkness

Last week, I experiencd a couple of very dark days. It came on quick. And thankfully, it did not last long, because they were definitely rough.

In the beginning of our journey, I was encouraged NOT to do any reading on the internet about Lyla's condition. But being completely unfamiliar, I wanted to know what the doctors were saying about it. I wanted to understand.

I quickly understood that was good advice NOT to read about it and just focus on Jesus. I know it sounds like the perfect Sunday School answer, but it could not be more true.

It was what I HAD to do. The reading kept my focus in a place that was very black and white. It is what it is sort of thing. It was saying I was supposed to just accept it and nothing could change it.

But I know in my head that isn't true.

I stayed off all those web sites for several months, but then last week, I started wondering about a few things and started reading again. I took my eyes off Jesus.

That's where the darkness began to creep in again. I began to doubt {hesitate to believe, distrust, fear}. I must continue to believe in the healing power of God. He is ABLE to do all things, create all things, even those that are said to be broken. {Mark 11:22-24}

 

The days that followed were not good. For me, for anyone. All I wanted to do was sleep. I hurt all over. I was short with my family. I wanted to do absolutely nothing. And pretty much did just that.

 

I am thankful that the Lord is teaching me to recognize these moments and how to see Him again clearly. I am thankful for His Word and music that is filled with it to draw me back to Him. I am thankful that He is there for me, comforts me, and protects my heart.

 

The enemy is here to kill, steal and destory {John 10:10}. He would love to see me stay in the darkness: doubting God, full of despair {be without hope} and depressed {full of sadness and gloom}.

 

But I must always remember what is true about my God. He is good. He is with me. He goes before me. He will not leave me. He loves me. {Deuteronomy 31:8}

 

I must refocus on Jesus and cling to His promises. That is the only way to get through this storm we are facing. It is too difficult alone. But thankfully, I am not alone. EVER.

 

 

{Feet Wet by Stephan Speaks}
standing at the water's edge, i feel a trembling fear
as the waves crash 'round my ankles feel the thunder in my ear
i see the change is coming, the wind is at my back
but doubt overtakes me and my eyes turn to black
my past lurks behind me, keeping me on guard
i don't want to chance it, these steps are just too hard
i know He's behind me but what can i do
i'm frail, i'm human, and i don't want to fail you
{ i can't walk on water with these dirty feet
but He can walk on water and He'll carry me}
so put your arms around me carry me to sea
waves knock against me but i know I'm free
from death and loneliness, darkness, despair
this life is choppy but i don't care

Desert Song - Hillsong

Boldness Received

Psalm 136:1
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever.
        I cannot be more thankful for all the prayers for me yesterday. My doctor's appointment went so well and I know it was because of your prayers and that God was with me. I had a friend offer to go with me too and she watched Claire so I could stay focused and it was just good knowing there was someone standing with me at the office.

        I was taken back to the exam room very quickly but then had to wait. I was nervous. My doctor finally arrived and the first thing she asked was about my Easter and how it can be difficult to keep the focus on Jesus when there is so much out there about the bunny. I was told she was a believer too but had never asked her directly. I was so thankful our discussion started off this way. It boosted my confidence level.

It finally came time for me to step up and say I had questions. I started explaining my concerns about a breech delivery and the baby not being monitored. She listened well, but I could tell by her facial expressions she was concerned about me. I think she thought I was a little looney or dillusional.

        I don't remember all that was said exactly, but it took her awhile to understand me about wanting to be treated like all was well with Lyla. Based on the scans and tests, she said it would take a miracle. EXACTLY. I know that. I tried to reassure her that's what I meant. I know told her I understand what we have been told and seen for ourselves, but we are still praying and hoping that God will heal her completely on this earth. I feel confident we got there together and are on the same page.

        She explained a breech delivery further to me and why it is not typically done anymore. It has more to do with legal issues/misconceptions then the ability for it to be good option. She also explained the risks of a c-section to me as well. I definitely told her that was not my preference but also why I was thinking I would do it if necessary.

        After discussing it further, we will likely not go the c-section route unless the baby is sideways. That's the only way she can't deliver a baby. The reason being is because she doesn't want to put me at unnecessary risk because of my other children, my body has proven twice before to be able to deliver without the need of a c-section, and she does not know how I would react to the meds needed for a c-section and if Lyla were not healed, then she would not want me to miss out of valuable time with her when recovering from the drugs used.

       She also said we can do another ultrasound at 37 weeks and also one when I am in LABOR! So amazing.

       She also told me that if God was going to heal her even last minute that she didn't believe He would cause me to have a difficult labor needing a c-section or put the baby at further risk.

      I definitely feel at peace with our discussion. I also know this discussion would not have happened the way it did without your prayers and God speaking for me, because I did feel myself wanting to shut down and just say okay and leave, but I didn't. I just kept pushing.

More than grateful!

Here's how you can pray now:

• That Lyla would not be breech. She still has room to flip around. I don't know what position she is in right now.
• That the need for a c-section would not be necessary.
• That no matter the outcome that I would be fully alert and enjoy my time with her after delivery and with my family.
• Wisdom and discernment on whether we should tell Cole and Claire what is going on before the birth or not.

Praying for Boldness

Philippians 4:4-8

 ⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Would you pray with me that I would have the boldness I need to express what I want to my doctor regarding labor and delivery?

Here's the deal. I clam up when speaking with any doctor. When I am asked if I have questions, I usually say no or can't come up with any (at the time). When I leave, they all come rushing to mind. Anyone else like that?

I know what we have seen and been told my several doctors and technicians. I know. But I also still know, that God is working and can change His mind about what He has in store for this baby and her life. So with that, I need to explain to my doctor that I want this pregnancy to be carried out like any other normal pregnancy. I do get that it's really not normal, but everything to this point, as far as carrying this pregnancy, has been, so I don't want the delivery process to be different either, if possible.

When we saw the Maternal Fetal Specialists, we were told that Lyla would probably not be monitored like other babies. The basic reason for that was if she became in distress, they wouldn't want to put me through a c-section to help her since they say she can't be saved. Basically, I become number one priority. In their mind, there would only be one patient to care for instead of two. That didn't sit well with me.

I want Lyla to be monitored like any baby would be. If she is in distress, I want them to help her.

Do I want a c section? No, not really. It's not my preference.
Would I do it if necessary for any of my children who were experiencing distress? Yes!

At my last doctor's appointment, my doctor asked if I had any questions. Of course, I really didn't. I have done this before. But then, I came up with one. Would I have another ultrasound before birth to find out if she is breech? She said no. It wasn't necessary. She said I could deliver that way (breech). What?! I followed up slightly. I asked her what she meant and that I had NEVER heard of that before. She basically said in this situation it didn't matter. Again, what?! I just sat there thinking about that. Then left.

Okay, it does matter to me. So again, that didn't sit well. All that has been going through my head since I left that day has been, "What if she's healed?"

I want all the doctors and nurses to make medical decisions for the delivery as if Lyla were a perfectly healthy baby.

I need to be like the Canaanite woman in Matthew 15 who was persistent and bold and didn't give up on her daughter.

Will you pray that for me? My appointment is tomorrow morning, Tuesday at 10:30am. That I would have the boldness and courage to speak freely with my doctor about my delivery.

**********************************************************

Here is a little something I took away from last week's Bible Study:

If you are looking for the verse in the bible where we are promised an easy road/path/life, then you'll looking for a long time. It's not there. We were never promised easy or painless, but we were promised Jesus would walk with us. He goes before us and stands behind us.

And a few of my recent favorite songs. I love music. Could you tell?

The Hurt and The Healer {Mercy Me}
Breathe
Sometimes I feel it's all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through

One Thing Remains {Jesus Culture}
Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant through the trial and the change
One thing remains
One thing remains

Your love never fails it never gives up it never runs out on me x3

On and on and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never ever have to be afraid
One thing remains

In death and in life I'm confident and covered by the power of your great love
My debt is paid there's nothing that can separate my heart from your great love

Whom Shall I Fear {Chris Tomlin}
I know Who goes before me
I know Who stands behind
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side
The One who reigns forever
He is a Friend of mine
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

For The Days I Question

Our Waiting Season

That's exactly where I feel like I am: a state of waiting. I am 30 weeks along and I am an intense planner yet I can't seem to figure how to plan for this. All I can do is wait. I am unaware how this will will turn out. I have not been given the privilege of seeing the big picture. I just am praying that He is preparing my heart for whatever may lie ahead for us.

We are also asking that He prepare us for sharing this with Cole. What to say? How much to say? We haven't said much at all about what the doctors have told us but are just enjoying Lyla and talk about her being his sister. But the other day, he remembered me crying at the appointment we received the news and asked why again. He hasn't brought that up since that day, so I think it's time.

The song below has been special to me for many years. It's written like a prayer and as I am walking through this, I pray the words often. I love how it says, "Lord, be in me what I cannot be."

Rush {Believers Church: Selah}

Rush over me like a river rushes over me.
Fall on me like a waterfall on me.

And be in me what I cannot be.

Rush over me.
Capture all of me.
I want to plunge into you.

Surround me, so you're all I see.
Let my eyes be fixed on you.

Lord, be in me what I cannot be.


My friend Jennifer shared an email from Proverbs 31 Ministries the other day and I thought it was spot on to where I am right now. I thought others may find it encouraging as well.


There Is Purpose in The Wait
By Wendy Pope

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14 (NLT)

Efficiency is my middle name. I like to get things done and get them done fast. Waiting for my computer to re-load a web page, or my kids to find their shoes, or even for God to come through on a prayer request isn't something I always do with patience.

In our hurry up, need it, gotta-have-it-now culture, it's easy to think we shouldn't have to wait. Think about it: within seconds we can know the weather in southern Mongolia, order a cute blouse from a trendy store, or move dinner from the freezer to the table in five minutes thanks to microwaves. We can instant message our mom or send a tweet to thousands in the blink of an eye. No wonder waiting is hard!

King David, the author of Psalm 27:14 was no stranger to waiting and knew full well of its difficulties. So when David wrote, "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD," it was with experience honed through years of waiting to fulfill God's destiny for him. That destiny started in the humble home of his father Jesse, and in the pasture herding sheep.

It started when the prophet Samuel showed up at Jesse's home to anoint the next king of Israel who was to be chosen from his family. Only one of Jesse's sons would be anointed. That son was David.

Scripture tells us the Spirit of God rushed over David and was with him the remainder of his days (1 Samuel 16:13 ESV). With such an anointing one would expect David to run to take his seat on the throne. But the only running David did was back to the pasture and his sheep.

Thus his wait began.

In the wait, God prepared David to be king. However, the only vocation David had known was shepherding. He did not know the ins and outs of kingly protocol or the rules of royal deity. David did not have the support of the people or armies to defend him as king. He was only a lowly shepherd boy. Instead of taking the position he was promised, David waited for God to move him from the pasture to the palace.

In the wait, God readied David by teaching many lessons about waiting. By examining and applying these truths we can find hope in the difficulty of waiting, and see how waiting now can be beneficial to our future.

Even though we are anointed and appointed we may still have to wait. David waited 15 years to be king of Judah and even longer to be king of all Israel.

If we allow it, our waiting will bring us to an intimate knowledge of God that we would not otherwise have. Most of David's beautiful and poetic psalms were written while in caves, caverns, and the wilderness, waiting on God.

God does not ignore the cries of His children. David cried and begged God for help, intervention, and defense. God never let David down.

Our waiting has a purpose for someone other that ourselves. It's not all about us. Just think of how rich our lives are today because of the wait David endured. We have the comfort, compassion, hope, and healing of the Psalms.

What awesome instructions David's life gives for waiting! Waiting is less difficult and the future is brighter when we let God do His work in our waiting season. When we let our guard and defenses down, we're open to seeing how faithful He is to bring His plans for our lives to fullness.

Dear Lord, help me wait well. I want be patient as You bring Your plan in my life to its fullness. I can't do this without You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Reflect and Respond:
Read more about David's life starting in 1 Samuel 16.

What is your first response to waiting?

Do you grow closer to or further from God when waiting? Why?

What has God taught you in today's devotion about waiting?

Power Verse:
Psalm 27:4, "One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple" (NIV 1984)

Isaiah 40:31, "... but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (NIV 1984)

Lamentations 3:24, "I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'" (NIV)

http://www.proverbs31.org/devotions/there-purpose-wait-2013-03/

We are thankful for the ways He has clearly already prepared us. And I know He will continue even when we can't see clearly.